What is the one thing in life that would make you happier? What is the one thing that will improve the quality of your life?  Most people answer this questions by linking them to making or having more money. And although, generally speaking, having a larger yearly income makes life easier, research shows that earning above 70,000.00 per year does not significantly increase your levels of happiness or life satisfaction.  Research shows that even lottery winners level out their happiness at 6 months after having won the lottery.

In other words, even though we believe that making or having more money would make us happier and increase the quality of our lives, it actually doesn’t have as much of an impact as we may think it does.

If money is not the answer…what could make us happier then?

So the field of Positive Psychology has come out with some beautiful and powerful research about happiness. In fact, they have actually created an equation that is scientifically proven to improve the quality of your life and increase your overall levels of happiness!  Curious?!

Recipe

1-Spend less time alone. Spend more time with loved ones (whose company you enjoy).

2- Spend some time helping others (just for the sake of it)

3- Make time for gratitude and express it. Write a letter of gratitude to someone who has helped you. Research shows this act can bump up your wellbeing for up to a month

4- Do 20 minutes of cardio exercise 3 times a week. Cardio in the morning will bump up your mood for 24 hours.

5- Sleep more than 5 hours a night. Sleep helps your immune system and improves your mood.

6- Take time to be in the present moment. (Practice mindfulness through the day)

7- Practice time affluence

Why not try out some of the ingredients in this recipe and see what kind of results you get from them?

Cheers to your happiness!

Loneliness is a quiet epidemic in this part of the world. In my humble opinion, it is a direct by-product of an individualistic society, where people are encouraged to think of themselves as independent and self-sufficient. But how independent and self-sufficient are we in reality?

We are biologically and psychologically wired for connection. We are social animals and therefore, having regular social contact and social support is inherently essential to our mental and emotional wellness.       

Studies show that people who feel lonely and isolated have high cortisol levels in their bodies. Studies also show that human touch produces high levels of serotonin. Serotonin is one of the “feeling good” hormones our bodies create. And cortisol is one of the “fight or flight” hormones.

So what can we do to lessen isolation and loneliness?

Well, the solution is simple, but not easy. It requires taking steps to create new relationships. I suggest looking creating new connections as a project. It takes time and some leg work, but the results are certainly worth gold.

• When working on your social connections 1) be strategic, 2) be active, 3) take it slow. Being strategic means take time to think about the types of people you want to bring into your life. Being active means you must go out there and actually do something to connect with others. And lastly, taking it slow means understanding that creating good relationships with others takes time. Be patient, but persistent.

• Read and oldie but a goodie- How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. This book has been around for many decades and there are good reasons for it. Reading this book may help you learn new skills that will make it easier to connect with others.

• It’s summer time! This is the perfect time of the year to go out and join a club or a group of people who share similar interests as you. A great resource for this is meetup.com. What are your interests? Gardening? Cooking? Drawing? Writing? Hiking? Literature? Cheese tasting? Glass work? Wood work? Pet grooming? Rock collecting?

• Really, the possibilities for connecting with others are endless. Go ahead… take one step to increase your social connection. You’ll be glad you did.

I end this piece with a link to a short but excellent video by Johann Hari. I encourage you to watch it.

Simply put, Resilience is our ability to bounce back after unexpected challenges. But, why  is it easier for some of us to tap into it, than it is for others ?  According to Dr. David Viscott, this difference is often due to the internalized feelings of being supported learned during our upbringing years.  

One thing all Psychology researchers agree on, is that the more resilient a person, the faster they bounce back from traumatic and difficult experiences. Resilience also makes working with difficult people, or living under challenging circumstances more manageable.

Resilience is important because it keeps us on track until we reach our goals, it allows us to deal with difficult situations, and it helps us to grow by encouraging us to look at the positives and to manage stress.

As a good therapist I must emphasize that healthy levels of resilience are not about trying to carry on regardless of how you feel or ignoring that which is painful or hurtful. Healthy resilience is about understanding why we feel the way we do, and the ability to develop strategies to help us deal with situations more effectively.

We may not be as resilient as we want to be, but we can always build our resilience muscles. If you are curious to see just how resilient you are at this moment in your life, I’m attaching a link to a quiz to measure your current resilience levels. Remember, if your scores are not what you wished you had, you can always improve and build your resilience.

If you’d like to work on your resilience muscle, I’m happy to help at my clinic in Sandy Hill, Ottawa . I would also like to remind you, that my services are now covered under most extended and health insurance plans.

I’ve recently completed a Masters degree in Counselling Psychology (Yey!!!).  BUT… let me tell you…the lessons learned through the process, where much more than intellectual.

I know that I could have NEVER completed that degree without practicing self compassion and self care. I would have burned out trying to juggle family life, school work and client work. The journey wasn’t easy. More often than not, it was it was a real struggle. The more deadlines and challenges, the more my type A personality would kick in (Yikes!).

The more tired I felt, the more challenging I found it to practice compassionate self care. I had two strong voices battling out inside my head. One voice said: “Push yourself a little more. You can do it.”  And the other voice said: “Rest, restore, take break.”

Because the struggle was real, I created an action plan to help myself stay true to my believes.

• I created a list of restorative activities for myself, and posted it in my fridge.
• I scheduled daily time for rest and loving care (and I respected that time).
• I used sticky notes around my home and office to remind myself about self compassion and self care (LOTS AND LOTS OF STICKY NOTES).
• I asked my loved ones to point out when they noticed me spinning with stress. They reminded me to slow down.

When I talk to clients about self compassion and self care, I speak from personal and professional experience. I understand the struggle. But … I also believe that it is possible to live life with a self compassionate mind.

I share my personal action plan with you NOT because I want to show off how I got it all figured out. I hope that’s not what I’m conveying here! I share it with you, to inspire you to create your own. It needs not to be complicated and long. Short and easy is best.

We live in a time and place where we are pushed to: produce more, get more, buy more, be more (whatever that may mean). The insatiable societal push to “be and have more” has a real negative impact on our mental and physical health.

And so today, I’d like to end these thoughts with an invitation to ponder. How self compassionate are you? How committed are you to treat yourself with compassionate self care?

I invite you give these questions some time. The practice of self compassion and self care has a tremendous positive impact in our lives. It is worth considering and even more worth putting into practice.   

I don’t like turkey. Yes, that’s right, I don’t like turkey, but I LOVE the idea of having time with family and friends and express gratitude openly. Thanksgiving weekend is a beautiful way to celebrate, connect and give THANKS.

Did you know that practicing gratitude gratitude can heal, energizes and transform your life in several ways?  The scientific work of Dr. Robert Emmons and Dr. Michael McCollough from UC Davis has focused on the long term study of the benefits of Gratitude on the human mind and body. The results of their ground breaking research are truly amazing.

Practicing gratitude has actual consequences for human health and well-being. Here are some of the reported and scientifically measured benefits:

• Feeling better about life as a whole
• Experiencing greater levels of joy and happiness
• Feeling optimistic about the future   
• Getting sick less often
• Exercising more regularly
• Having more energy, enthusiasm, determination, and focus
• Making greater progress toward achieving important personal goals
• Sleeping better
• Feeling stronger during trying times
• Enjoying closer family ties
• More likely to help others
• Experiencing fewer symptoms of stress

After reading this list…how motivated do you feel about starting a regular gratitude practice?

Are you feeling unsure of how to start?  Here are a few easy suggestions:

• Write a gratitude letter or note to someone who’s impacted your life (even if the person has passed on). You don’t need to send the letter to feel the benefits.
• Create a gratitude journal to end your day with 3-5 (or more) things you are grateful for.
• Have a gratitude walk. Take 15 to 20 minutes to walk and consider all the material comforts, loving and supporting people in your life, and the magnificent intelligence in your body.
• Say a heartfelt thank you to someone you appreciate.

To end this post, I’d like to express a heart-felt THANK YOU. Thank you for allowing me to be of assistance in your journey. Thank you for allowing me to learn from you. Thank you for allowing me share with you.

Blessings for you and your loved ones!

Karinna

We’ve all used self-blame to make sense of circumstances out of our control. For example, I often hear clients say to me: “I feel guilty I’m not able to motivate my spouse to go the gym” or “I feel terrible my best friend is going through a tough time. I feel like at some level it is my fault for not being a better friend”.  And the list of self-blaming thoughts goes on and on.

And to be honest, we can never hold ourselves responsible for somebody else’s actions, lack of actions or experiences, especially when we are discussing other adults in our lives.

Simply put: If you did not cause the situation, you are not to blame. But often, people take too much of the blame pie. Often people feel too responsible for other’s experiences. They feel guilty for “not doing more”.

And although being a responsible adult that takes responsibility for his or her actions is something we certainly need to encourage in our society, taking blaming or  holding guilt for how others handle experiences is a lose-lose game.

There is a difference between personal responsibility and self -blame.

If you identify as someone who often feels guilty, responsible or somehow the reason behind other people’s actions, reactions or lack of action, you may want to consider the following two Psychological Techniques:

#1.  Learn to Share the Blame

People who self-blame are bias! Yes, people who self-blame have a tendency to discount, ignore, or fail to see the role of other people. Blame has to be shared. Before you take on a lot of the blame or responsibility for other people’s “misfortunes” I invite you to ask the following questions:  1. What part is the other person playing in the situation?  2. Does the other person take any responsibility for their actions or lack of actions?  3. Are they interested in changing the situation?

Asking these questions will help you lighten your load of “self-blame” but most importantly, it will help you practice a more global way of looking at problems or challenges. In general, we know that the more global view of a problem the more chances of finding a solution.

#2. Get used to examining other possibilities

How many times have you said hello to a co-worker and got no response? Or, how many times have you said something to a co worker and got an unexpected negative reply? We’ve all been there. But how much self-blaming we are used to doing, plays a role in how we react to the situation.

Before jumping to conclusions and assuming it is something you said or did, I invite you to practice mental loosening up. Asking questions such as: What other reasons beside YOU, might there be for the other person’s reaction?

Dr. Martin Seligman, one of the founders of the Positive Psychology movement, has conducted many studies looking at mental loosening skills. In some of his research with children at risk of developing depression he has concluded that that helping them loosen up their thinking had an absolute positive effect in their self-blaming tendencies.

Practicing mental loosening skills or getting used to asking: What other reasons could there be for this person’s reaction? Will help you engage less and less in self-blame.

Like any skill, the more you practice, the better you become at generating multiple possible causes for events you would have previously exclusively blamed on yourself.

Your partner in change,

Blushing is such a common problem. Many people have problems with blushing and this affects their feelings of self worth and performance at work, school and social situations. I’m not talking just about teenagers. I’ve treated CEO’s, nurses, teachers, students, middle aged men and women with excessive blushing.

Jenny (not her real name), age 36, told me she had blushed all her life, or at least as long as she can remember. She shared with me childhood memories of blushing and a few particularly embarrassing moments during High School.

Through the years, Jenny had become stuck in a vicious cycle: when she was embarrassed she would blush, but the more she blushed the more embarrassed she became. And so on, and so on. Jenny is not alone. Recent research shows that the more we think we are blushing, the more we actually blush.

Clients like Jenny have benefited from using a couple of strategies I know to be psychologically powerful for changing blushing patterns.

#1. Own Your Blushing

What? Am I crazy? Well, yes, a little, but I’m also right. When you own your blushing and you acknowledge it publicly you are taking psychological power away from the thoughts of embarrassment associated with it.

As you notice your blushing, say out loud: “oh, there goes that blushing again” and notice the reaction of the people around you. To what may be a big surprise to you, you may notice that those around you do not seem to particularly care about the different shades of colour in your skin. Owning your blushing puts you in the driving seat and will help you reduce the intensity and frequency of it. The technique sounds simple, but it works effectively.

#2. Program New Results

If you prepare for an event by feeling nervous when you imagine it, you will be programming your mind and body to feel nervous when the situation actually occurs.

By feeling scared or nervous when you think about your upcoming presentation or meeting you are programming your subconscious to create that reaction in your body when the time comes.

However, if you visualize the upcoming events while feeling very relaxed, visualizing yourself looking cool, calm and confident, you are programming your subconscious mind and your body to create that reaction when the time comes. The more often you practice this, the more powerful it becomes.

By practicing short visualizations, we engage in a form of brief self-hypnosis episodes. My client Jenny and many others like her have become very good at it. They have all experienced the great benefits of tapping into their subconscious mind.

Clients experience amazing results in as little as three sessions. There is great power in you, and in each one of us. I invite you to tap into it.

Your partner in change,

Karinna Nájera

Moving forward towards improvement and the creation of a more beautiful and enjoyable life is part of our nature. Today, more than ever, people feel ready to delve deeper into their psyche or consciousness in order to find answers that fulfill them. As discussed in the previous article, knowing thyself is the best and most effective step into creating a more fulfilling life.

Our comfort zone is one of our greatest obstacles to change and fulfilment. Pushing the self-imposed comfort zone can be challenging, but it is necessary for personal growth.

To assist you in the self-discovery journey, I am sharing a second set of questions. Take time to calm your mind and ask the questions. Write down the answers and visit them at a later date. You will be surprise of what comes from them.

1-         What do you truly desire to be / do / have? (If your answer is “more money” you      are not going deep enough)

2-         What do you feel compelled to do?

3-         Where do you see yourself in five years from now? Is that what would satisfy you the most?

4-         What steps have you taken or are you taking to make that goal (s) a reality?

Remember that self-discovery can often mean different things to different people. It is a journey that never ends, really. The more we know ourselves, the more effective our goals and plans are. The more we know ourselves, the easier it becomes to take care of ourselves along the journey.

Your partner in health,

Over two years of course work in completing my Master’s Degree and I have learned, both from the scientific perspective and from the personal perspective, that self discovery is the most important step in creating a fulfilling, enjoyable and healthy life.

The ancient Greek believed that “Knowing Thyself” was the answer to most questions in life. I agree. Those two words carry great wisdom. If you think about it… knowing ourselves physically can help us detect disease in the body at the early stages and help in the prevention of late diagnosis. Knowing ourselves psychologically, can help us notice stress signals and prevent burnout or prolonged unhealthy relationships. Knowing ourselves allows us to know our comfort zone and our fears, as well as our strengths and positive attributes to help us in the journey we call life.

Self discovery can often mean different things to different people. It is a journey that never ends, really. The more we know ourselves, the more effective our goals and plans can be. The easier it becomes to take care of ourselves and move towards goals.

The journey of self discovery includes finding your strengths and weaknesses. For some people it means digging deep into childhood and discover the experiences that shaped them. For others, it means examining their beliefs about themselves and the world around them. Self discovery often means examining our meanings and self imposed comfort zones. For others it means finding spiritual fulfillment.

The self discovery journey is different to each person. Ignorance towards self is in no way beneficial to us. As the ancient Greeks would remind us, “Knowing Thyself” is the answer to many questions.

Using clinical hypnosis is an effective way to reach deeper levels of connection with our wisest parts. However, the hypnotic state is not the only way to reach such depths. You have the ability to reach such depths by consciously asking yourself the right questions.

To help you along this journey of self-discovery I’m sharing with you the first part of a list of effective questions. If you give yourself enough time to answer them, you’ll discover or re affirm aspects of yourself that will help you in the creation of your best life yet.

1-What is the best thing that ever happened to you?

2-What is the worst thing that ever happened to you?

3- What one thing did you accomplish that you are most proud of?

4- What five words would you use to describe yourself to another person?

5- Who are you?

Give yourself enough time to explore these questions and write down your answers. You’ll be surprise as to how your subconscious mind continues to work on the answers. You will continue to get bits of information as they days go by. Write them down and keep them safe. You’ll have a more complete picture when I send you the second part of this list in the next newsletter.

As always, I wish you joy, happiness and inner peace in this journey we call life.

Your partner in health,

Karinna Najera

Back in 2010 Psychology Researchers conducted a study called: The Effects of Physical Enclosure on Psychological Closure. (click on the link to read the actual study). Participants were asked to write down something unpleasant from the past, such as regrets and put their written accounts in an envelope. One group was instructed to seal the envelopes and the other group was instructed to leave them open. The participants in the study who sealed their written accounts of loss or regret inside an envelope reported feeling much less troubled by these memories than the participants who had written them down but not sealed them in.

This scientific study and others with similar results suggest that we can get emotional or psychological closure as well as minimize regrets by practicing simple but powerful actions that activate the feelings in the subconscious mind. What I love about this study is that it offers main stream scientific back up for what Hypnotherapists have known for a long time. In fact, we can help clients reach closure, resolution or feel relief from many burdening emotions through hypnosis..

Three of the most commonly used hypnotic techniques to help clients looking to get emotional closure are: (1) Past showers-Future flowers (2) Cloud Watching, and (3) Locking out of Date Feelings. The techniques I use depend on the client and the particular situation. No two people are alike and therefore, no treatment should be either.

The subconscious is the most powerful part of our minds. It can help us create and recreate realities and experiences. Tapping into it is easier than many think.

For more information about Clinical Hypnosis, email or call 613 800-8558.